28th February 2022
Last year we created this masterpiece line by line over our WhatsApp group: https://www.abbeybelles.com/post/national-tell-a-fairy-tale-day. For this year’s edition we added the challenge of seeing how many of our song titles and lyrics we could fit in. Enjoy!
..in a land far, far away, just across the river from Selby, was a place full of dragons and palm trees. This place only became apparent after a visit to a Gin Palace. The dragons were usually very friendly but, their breath was vicious!
One day a beautiful princess fell into the river after falling out of the Gin Palace, fortunately her furry Godmother heard her cussing, finished her pint and leapt into the river to save the princess, whose name was Alcholia.
Alcholia was quite put out! “In any other Fairytale a handsome Prince would rescue me!!”
“You have to take what you can get,” said the furry Godmother, and promptly signed her up for swimming lessons and gratitude training.
Meanwhile, a handsome Prince far, far away came to a hen-house to collect the eggs for his mother, the Evil Queen, who had to have scrambled eggs every morning…
“Where's my eggs?”
“Who said that? Said the Prince
“It was I, ‘Jo-hen’”
He thought she was ‘Jo’-king, a talking hen? Whatever next he wondered. He suddenly became very ‘Jo-vial’ but then remembered his mother – the Evil Queen.
“Better get out of here,” said Jo-hen, “Before anyone notices that I never lay any eggs!”
“Hallelujah!” The Prince cried, “Let's go!” And so, they set off on their journey. “There must be a Princess around here somewhere who needs rescuing,” thought the Prince, approaching a silvery, meandering river. The Prince reconsidered his previous exclamation of “Hallelujah” – he remembered his night on the tiles and decided it was obviously an hallucination. He decided it was safer to walk than risk crossing a river with a celibate talking hen, so off they went, looking for the aforementioned Princess.
Meanwhile, Alcholia had managed to climb out of the river and was really hungry. “If only I could have a delicious boiled egg,” she thought, “I don't suppose my furry Godmother can lay eggs?”
"You Gotta Be kidding me,” said the furry Godmother, “But you could always call upon my sister, ‘Melon-cholia’, but she is always so sad. Though she could always be relied upon to have some fruit about her person!
“The Climb out of that river has made me famished,” cried Alcoholia, “I’d like some melon Anthem eggs.” She suddenly remembered “There’s an old superstition”.
Meanwhile back in the hen house ‘J’henet’ was busy cleaning her bum (she has a clean bottom reputation apparently) ready for her promotion to chief egg layer for the Evil Queen.
“Melons, Melons!” Cried the Princess, “If only a handsome Prince would bring me melons” moaned the Princess. I should have asked Calypso Carol, she always has melons. She sat on a flagpole… just to get her picture on the front page, and that’s how we know about her melons. They were massive!”
Suddenly, From a distance, Alcoholia heard the sound of pounding poultry feet approaching. It was a good thing it was a Silent Night or she's might not have heard them. “Something, or Someone, is coming! And it sounds like a giant hen!” She was Fever-ish with excitement at the thought of her handsome Prince coming to save her…
It was a Silent Night but only a Paper Moon hung in the sky as the giant hen drew ever closer…
‘Dum Dum Dah Dah’ went the hen's feet on the ground…
“Hallelujah!” Exclaimed the Princess, “Now things are Getting Better, but God Only Knows when that hen will get here… Sh-Boom!" She remembered that Girls Just Wanna Have Fun so she joined some revellers At The Hop. Between them, they couldn’t remember which key they needed to join in, so they agreed to a Make Your Own Kind Of Music deal and it was a terrific Hullabaloo!
She found Another Opening and saw From A Distance her handsome Prince – he’d got Fever and was unable to sing again. So instead, he shouted to Alcholia across the river. Then he jumped on Jo-hen's back and they flew across to save the Princess.
“You’ll Never Walk Alone!” He said, “Jubilate Deo’, you can buy it from the chemist… nudge, nudge, ‘Make New Friends,’ he winked at the Princess.
Jo-hen said, “‘Lean On Me.” So they did, and she laid an egg (Jo-hen not the Princess. For clarity. Just saying...)
“If My Friends Could See Me Now!” Said the gleeful Prince, holding Alcholia's pretty hand.
Just then the furry Godmother returned from her shopping trip (that gin doesn't buy itself). She didn’t think Jo-hen would have laid an egg, so it must have been the Princess after all. The Princess was really a dove in disguise! Love Is The Sweetest Thing, even if your true love turns out to be an actual bird!
A-dove my head, there’s a princess in the air… The Prince and dove Princess flew off to the Land Of The Silver Birch.
“You Raise Me Up” said Alcholia.
“Tell me about it,” said the Prince, “I see you have been busy this morning, I know! Let’s sit a While By My Sheep and admire the Orange Coloured Sky. You Got A Friend In Me” said the Prince clutching her closely to him.
“Love Me!" Demanded the Princess Dove.
“Oh I Will” he declared One Fine Day. “When You Wish Upon A Star, I Will”.
“I Love To Hear The Abbey Belles at our wedding,” cooed the Princess.
“They’ll be Going To The Chapel then” said the Prince, “Consider Yourself At Home now you are one of the family.
And then the Princess woke up! “Last night I had the strangest dream,” she said to herself. Then she turned over in bed to see a Prince beside her and a giant hen asleep in the corner!
“Let's Get Together Again” she murmured to the Prince.
“I do hope it will Shine today,” clucked Jo-hen
“I’m not sure if I’m still dreaming!” thought the Princess.